“And I don’t feel so pretty today. This mirror don’t look the same.” - K. Michelle

You Don’t Understand

I can’t believe I gave you all of me

Trusted you, believed you, thought you wanted us to be

You truly led me on with false hopes,

Leaving me not knowing how to cope

I was floating on cloud nine with you,

Taking all the words you said as true

I don’t think you understand what you have done

Now I’m here wondering what to do and what to believe

I’m questioning every word you used to tell me, in an attempt to relieve

Questioning if you led me to cliff, shoving me at the last second

I feel like I’m falling, I feel like I’m dying, I feel like crying

I don’t think you understand what you have done

Now, like a flood, all of my troubles are coming to the brim and I just want to drown.

Something.

(Lyrics)

Cold rush is coming

A cold rush is coming

I said a cold rush is coming

And I don’t wanna be left alone

Just your touch is all I need

A kiss from you would make me swing

Over the edge

And I don’t wanna be left alone

I don’t want an empty home

Warm sheets … Can you do that for me?

Don’t have to say one word

You’ll be the doctor

So can you? Can you?

Fix this sickness

I ain’t tryna spend night

No, I don’t wanna be that type

Type .. Type (*) .. Oh yeah

Just lay your head down here

There - is nothing for you to fear … Oh

Warm cheeks, warm sheets, yeah

I think we’re getting there

Destiny

These bones could break in the wind

Brittle from rejection, begging to sin

Looking on the inside, I want to love

I guess there’s just a hole my looks have dug

Sometimes I wish I could leave this body

Get another shot, a chance to be somebody

Someone who someone wants to make their one

Because this life of mine is just about good and done

I do try my best, to keep up a facade

A tough exterior, while my inside is forced to sob

I know what you see, looking at me

A person who is one-dimensional, not someone you’d want to be

I wish someone could see, the pain in my heart

My intentions are always good, but I seem to be in the dark

Well, I guess this is life, and this is my part,

Destined to be alone, not to win anyone’s heart

One Message

Maybe it’s my outside that’s keeping me from seeing within.

Or perhaps I’m too fat.. Oh how I wish to be thin.

Well, that may be too explicit for the faint of heart,

But you have to understand I don’t even know where to start.

There was a time, in the past

When I could see beyond the reflective glass.

Take a peak into the true being that I am.

I guess that old me has just up and ran.

Maybe I’m trying to move too fast..

Trying to create something that will last.

A purpose, a purpose is all I need.

For me to need you and you to need me.

But, here I am, sitting here with my stomach feeling queasy.

Heart racing, palms shaking, and mind uneasy. 

I look at you and see true perfection.

Questioning my fingers, that sent that message.

Here I am again, asking, begging for a chance.

A chance for us to try to find true romance.

Suicide

It has come time to let the inside seep out.

A body once filled to the brim like a great lake now experiences a drought.

When nothing seems to work anymore and life seems bleak,

I guess it is another world that I am faced to meet.

Rather than stay and pretend to frolic amongst the flowers,

I choose something a little more sour.

It is a choice not for the faint of heart,

But more for those who are truly ready to part.

To leave this world in search of a new meaning.

Something real, and something really worth your being.

I see nothing wrong with singing such a melancholy song.

That is, unless you believe there is a reason this life should be prolonged.

But for now, warm up the furnace and clear the mantle,

This body is done being handled.

Self-Sabotage

Give me a gun and I’ll give you a target.

Give me a problem and I’ll multiply it.

I’m completely aware of what I’m doing..

Cashing a check and then later my body is suing.

I crave the attention

At the expense of your mention..

I don’t care though. I don’t care.

I don’t care, if it means that you notice me.

Even though, through this, we can never be.

You would never want someone with all this baggage. 

Someone who is touched, making their mind go savage.

I’m scared of me. 

I’m scared of you.

I’m scared to live and I’m scared to continue.

Some say you are not ready while others say to hold steady.

I wish someone was here to tell me it is okay.

Tell me that I can make it another day.

Yes, I will tell them I care for you,

But do they really know how much I love you?

Do they know how I sneak glances at the most opportune time?

Or how my wrecked life changed when I thought you were mine?

I was informed that you were done wrong in the past

Leaving your heart as brittle as thinnest glass..

I guess I will just have to show you how I’m different,

How I honestly want to fix it

See, there, my intentions are good

I know what I want, I know what I “should,”

But something inside of my body hates my being

The voices when I look in the mirror yell, “This is what they are seeing!”

“You are not small enough” “You are not smart enough”

“Skip this meal,” “Skip this class.”

I’m left here wondering exactly what I should do.

I want you, but I don’t even want me.

How can I expect someone to accept me if I cannot accept myself?

How can I expect someone to accept me if I cannot accept myself?

I Don’t Like Me

Stupid.

There’s something that’s been racing through my mind

Taking up time, and space, sort of like mankind

I can’t predict your answer, I know time will tell

Anything shall be fine, my thoughts it shall quell

I know you’re not public, and all is to be censored,

But I think you’re perfect, anything else is absurd

Now hear me out, who cares if we are normal?

Will you accompany me to the first-year formal?

No Time

Is it right that you say you have no time?

I guess I feel a little dumb for writing this rhyme.

I always ask if you would like to go out.

You respond, and I’m left with nothing but doubt.

You say you’re busy, you say you need sleep.

But it seems like you have time for everyone but me.

When I’m in another world you seem so sweet…

Your words connect with me and I wish for our lips to meet.

I guess I’m afraid, you know, terrified.

Wondering if this pursuit I’m in is all a lie…

I say I’ll wait for you to make a move,

But I’m always the one asking you to choose.

Just once in a while is all I’m asking.

A call, some us time, or just to hear your voice in the passing.

But if you can’t give me that then what’s the use?

I guess I’ll just leave, and save my heart the abuse…

Mother

Eyes of gold, a heart of jewels,

Into this world you brought me anew.

Not enough words exist

To match your wit

Not enough hugs exist,

Or cheeks to kiss,

To match the love I have for you.

Or the “thank-you’s” that are way past due

The sacrifices made

And the time you gave

Cannot be returned in words itself.

Words that would make the average mother melt,

Because you are a special kind of woman,

A mother who cares nothing about superfluous things.

But rather, objects that in her heart shall remain.

Although this may not be enough, it’s something that’s new.

A new way to say, “I love you.”